Challenging Usagi's Mask
by Petra Megami Assari
Summary: Late one night Usagi thinks about all that she is, all the she is not, and all that she pretends to be... and the one person in the world who can see straight to the truth, no matter the masks she produces.


Petra: This is a fairly old fic but, as I was going through and revamping my other fics, I realized that I'd never published this on.  
Kati: It's not the best one in the world, but it's one of the cuter ones.  
Petra: So, I offer this to you. This is a common idea in Sailor Moon, the idea that Usagi-chan is really smarter than anyone ever gives her credit for; that she had to hide it to protect herself and her family.  
Kati: Not very original, we know, but it's one of the first one's we did, so I think you'll be able to forgive us this one slip.  
  
DEDICATED: To those people who dare to challenge not only the masks of those around them, but their own.  
WARNING: A wee smidge of angst, though not much.  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Sailor Moon.  
  
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Challenging Usagi's Mask  
  
"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out." -Elizabeth Barrett Browning  
  
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You know, sometimes I wonder why no one ever looks past what they first see. The shell that you put around yourself fools even your friends, the same shell you bury yourself in, in order to protect a heart too gently for the world… After the people you know become your friends they instantly think they know you and don't bother to look deeper, to see if they missed something… or, in my case, the whole thing…  
  
My thoughts always get carried away like this as I lay in bed, keeping my breathing regulated, listening to my family fall asleep around me. With a sigh that sounds as though it come from the depth of sleep I roll over, facing the windows that are beside my bed. After a moment of listening carefully to the sounds in the house I sit up, watching my cat for any movement. After I'm assured Luna is asleep it is a simple thing to touch the part of her mind that controls sleep, and knock her out until I choose to wake her.  
  
I push open my window and instantly relax, sighing, as a warm breeze caresses my face, the wind almost seeming to caress and dance with my hair. Reaching out with my right hand, I grab onto the broad branch that extends right to my bedroom window. I climb gracefully on the limb and then jump down the few feet to the ground; two stories really isn't really that hard to land after, not when you've survived being thrown back ten.   
  
As I walk my pajamas shimmer and then I'm wearing a light blue tank top and a skirt made of blue jeans that just barely brushes my knees. My mind is instantly taken back to what I was thinking of before…  
  
Yeah, people are easy to fool as long as you don't let them know it's a mask. That's one of the problems with Mamo-chan's mask, you can tell it's such… And that brings me to Chiba Mamoru…  
  
At first I thought he was all the others, making fun of me, at least the me they think they know, and then I realized… he's challenging me. I think that was when I realized that if Mamo-chan just up and disappeared one day, I wouldn't be able to go on. He's the only one who's seen past every wall I've put up, over every mask I use. Then he dares me to get rid of them, to break them, to go a day without them, for the first time… Ever since I first started wearing them…  
  
I mused as I walked and if any of my 'friends' had been there they would have been amazed, for I, Tsukino Usagi, klutz extraordinaire, didn't trip once. You know, if you were to look back two years from now you would find a girl that everyone was proud of; she was top of the class, the school was even considering skipping her ahead a grade, she was doing so well. She was as graceful as a queen, and acted like one, never letting insults or arguments get to her, even with her little brother… And then the nightmares started….  
  
I can pinpoint the exact day they started: my thirteenth birthday. I went to sleep happy at finally being a teenager and woke up screaming from the most horrible nightmare I have ever had. All my friends, even ones I couldn't name then (turned out to be the Senshi), all my family, everyone died... because of me…  
  
It continued to get worse and worse until I couldn't even sleep anymore because I was so scared of that dream. My grades were dropping, I bumped into everything possible to bump into. Then, one night, as I lay awake in my bed fighting sleep, I realized what it meant. If I didn't stop acting like I had been acting everyone I cared about was going to get killed.  
  
So I began to act even ditzier, I dropped my grades to where I could pass, if barely, and I began to trip every five minutes. I laugh out loud as I remember how I would actually practice tripping.   
  
My parents accepted it and thought that I had lost whatever gift I had had. I hadn't lost it, though, I just hid it… It wasn't until Luna that I realized the Sailor Senshi were the reason that I had had to hide my true self. If I had continued the way I was, everyone would have figured out who Sailor Moon was, including the Dark Kingdom. So, Luna, Ami-chan, Rei-chan, and Mako-chan all came and none of them saw past what they first saw.   
  
To everyone else I am Usagi, the crybaby ditz, who is constantly tripping over my own toes… Except Mamo-chan. Don't ask me how he did it, he just did. He saw past the mask I hid behind and he began to challenge me, unlike Rei-chan who insults me because… well, because she's an idiot. I giggle at the last thought and lean against a nearby tree, watching the pale moonlight play on the lake. The wind tugs incessantly, trying to pull me toward the leg, but I don't go, not yet, because...  
  
"You shouldn't be out here alone, Odango Atama," a quiet voice whispers in my ear. I don't jump, because I have known he was there the entire time.  
  
"Mamoru-baka," I said, turning around to face him, "I am not a child and you're not my parent."  
  
"Speaking of parents," he said, with his annoyingly handsome grin, "Do yours know you're out here?"  
  
"Of course not, are you crazy!" I say with a laugh, but it sounds forced. I don't understand… Why aren't we at each other's throats?  
  
He grins and then looks at the lake, "It's beautiful."  
  
"Hai," I agree, resisting the impulse to lean back on his arm.   
  
"Usagi-chan?" he whispers, and I turn around. "The dark can hide us from our worst nightmares, but it can also hand us our best dreams…"  
  
I stare at him wide-eyed, wondering where this has come from. "Mamoru-san, what are you talking about?"   
  
"Usako," my heart skips a beat, "Will you be my date tonight?" He sweeps a dashing bow, a playful smile on his face, his hand outstretched toward me.  
  
I can only stare for a second and then, with a small smile, I nod and put my hand in his outstretched one. Without even realizing it, a long white dress shimmers into place over my summer clothes and I unconsciously make his clothes change too, from the black jogging outfit to a tuxedo. I didn't even realize I had done so until Mamo-chan looked up at with startled eyes. "Usako? Did you do this?"  
  
I blush and pale at the same time, wondering what to say, and finally decide on the truth. "Hai, Mamo-chan," I revel in the look on his face before I continue. "I've always had this ability…" Then with a secret smile I take his hand and, before he can think, I pull him into the lake… except there isn't any splash, only a soft scraping as thin silver blades hitting cold ice. "And this too…"  
  
Mamo-chan looks down at the ice that was just moments ago water. "I don't control water or ice or anything like that," I say, as my mind brushes his thoughts. :I can, however, do this… and you can too if you try:   
  
Mind*speak is a second language to me, though no one taught it to me, I had to learn alone, or else go crazy from the many thoughts that were often 'screamed' at me. I sense surprise coming from him, before determination and then I 'hear' his 'voice' hesitantly… :Usako…:   
  
:Hai?:  
  
Mamo-chan smiles with delight, before taking me in his arms. The feeling is so familiar I almost gasp; I can tell from the look on his face he feels the same way as I do. Then, he smiles again, a smile so soft and sweet that I have no doubt he loves me. :May I have this dance, love?:  
  
:Hai, love, any day, any time, any place: The last thought I don't send to Mamoru, but it comes to me unbidden. 'Any life.' I wonder at what it means but then, at Mamo-chan's smile, I file it away for another time. There would be another time to think of the unbidden thought, but for now…  
  
We dance…  
  
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IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.   
  
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Petra: Well... there it is, very short, and slightly intrpspective.   
Kati: I like it, though, it could be better.  
Petra: God... it was written how long ago? A year? Two, maybe?  
Kati: How the hell am I supposed to know? You had that stupid muse.  
Petra: *glare* She was not stupid! Now get over here so I can beat you to a pulp. *stalks foward*  
Kati: *laughing* Review! *runs away*  
Petra: *runs after stupid muse*  
Kati: *distantly* I am not stupid!  
  
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam  
  
~Petra Megami Assari~  
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess* 


End file.
